Lysis

Why are you my friend? Is it because we are alike and that draws us together? Or could it be that we are so different that like magnets we are pulled together? Is it an unconscious desire to be drawn to those unlike us with hopes to become more like them? Could it be when together our differences compliment each other?  "Opposites attract" they say...could that be the case? Are we friends because we serve a purpose for one another? Do you offer something that I need...something that I want? Do I give you what others cannot, or will not?

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These are questions I found myself asking after reading “Lysis” by Plato in which he debates the question of why we become friends.

The book captivated me yet I closed quite frustrated as Plato provides much thought provoking dialogue on the subject yet ends with no definite answer. I despise the not knowing...yet the more I contemplated I realized that indeed there is probably no one answer to what constitutes friendship. This is no doubt because there could be no one answer.

Some we expect to automatically become friends...then there are those who at first glance seem unlikely pairs...ending up being best of friends for life. There seems to be no perfect formula for friendship, yet the one common denominator in the deepest, most long lasting friendships, is a similar soul.

As no two individuals are alike, could it be that friendships are as unique as the individuals that create such a relationship? There must be a plefera of reasons as to why we become friends with someone. From my experiences what brought me to be friends with certain individuals depended on the person, location, and the circumstances. Like snowflakes, none of my friendships are exactly the same...they are at different levels and provide different benefits.

Plato says perhaps we are friends only with those who are congenial thus implying that friendships are mostly self-serving. He implies that friendships are  sought for selfish reasons.  I agree with him that we tend to be drawn to people who initially provide us with some sort of comfort or happiness yet I disagree that friendships possess only congeniality. For I have had friends who could come across quite mean yet whether congenial or not, friends we still remained.

In fact, my best friends often hold before me the mirror of honesty and force me to see the reflection of true self;  stripped from any masks my soul stands bare before them... I am allowed to be who I really am...with no facades...no pretenses....faults and vulnerabilities seen...yet I am still cared for, still loved. They encourage me to work on both my strengths and weaknesses and as a result I grow. 

It is through these relationships that we give up self-reliance and learn that there is more to living than just self-preservation. We learn to trust and to give. It is through loving others that we become most fulfilled.

In Shadowlands, a movie about one of my favorite authors, the main character states,

"We read to know that we are not alone...perhaps we love to know that we are not alone as well." ~C.S.Lewis

These words seem to expose a basic need in all of us. A love much deeper than fleeting infatuation or romance... an unconditional love that guarantees we will not be alone. 

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Perhaps this is closer to the answer for why we seek friendship...to be understood and to know that we are not alone in this journey we call life.